Dumb Crooks

[OLDE CUTLER]

Post your dumb crook stories here. I will start it off with this one from our local paper today. A local man was arrested on Monday after accidentally discharging a shotgun into the floor of his upper story apartment. The blast penetrated the floor below him and caused the residents there to call police. After the police arrived, the investigation resulted in the arrest of a 33 year old man who had the AD. Turns out that the man's shotgun was reported stolen, he is a convicted felon prohibited from owning firearms, and quantities of marijuana and methamphetamine's were found in his apartment. Just like sending up a big alarm asking to be arrested. DUMB CROOK. Fortunately no one was injured by the accidental discharge, but the dumb crook will no doubt be looking at more prison time.

[tallguy606]

I was in a pawnshop a few years ago looking at their used guns. Two guys come in with a clarinet in a case. Wanting to sell it to the pawnshop. They popped open the case, the instrument was in several pieces. The owner said, show me how to put it together. Neither guy had any idea. He threw them out of the shop. They probably stole it from some schoolkid at a bus stop.

[Steve Warden]

Heard about this one years ago.

A purse snatcher was going into court refusing a lawyer and defending himself.
The victim is on the stand and he asks her, pointing at himself, "Is this the face you saw when I took your purse?"

[OLDE CUTLER]

I can recall another one that happened a few years back. A dumb crook found out that some distant relatives were going to be gone out of town over the Christmas Holiday and started hatching his plan. He knew that they lived in a small apartment that was directly above a small family owned drug store. So his plan was to break into their apartment, saw a hole in the floor, and drop down into the drug store and steal narcotics. That particular year Christmas day fell on a Saturday, so he figured that he would have from Friday when the drug store closed early for Christmas eve, until Sunday to carry out his plan. He broke into the apartment with no problem and the next step was to cut the hole in the floor. That too went according to plan until such time as he lowered himself into the hole to descend to the store below. It wasn't until he had dropped down into the freshly cut hole up to his shoulders that he discovered that the hole he cut was not large enough for him to fit through. So there he hung, with his arms straight out and not having the strength to lift his 275 pound body out of the hole. As luck would have it the drug store owner happened to come into his store for some reason on Sunday afternoon to find the dumb crooks legs extended down from the ceiling, screaming for help. He had been stuck there for 2 days, and needless to say had soiled himself on multiple occasions. Another stint to the state pen was in order for him as he was a repeat offender.

[Mumbleypeg]

The reason there are so many dumb crooks around is because the smart crooks are all in Washington, D.C.

Ken

[Colonel26]

The reason there are so many dumb crooks around is because the smart crooks are all in Washington, D.C.

Ken

I immediately thought of these Mark Twain quotes. I think he was on to something here.

“It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.”

“...I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman.”

[espn77]

I remember listening to Paul Harvey and at the end of his segment he would tell dumb crook stories. Sure miss listening to him, he had some good ones.
I'll never forget one. A man went into a convenient store. Took a 6 pack of beer to the counter, gave the man his ID and when the cash register was opened robbed him of the money and left. The worker gave the police the robbers ID and they drove to his house and arrested him.

[OLDE CUTLER]

This one was in our local paper this morning. A dumb crook used an authentic looking BB gun to hold up a convenience store on Tuesday and got an undetermined amount of money. The detectives were investigating the holdup yesterday by tracing who had bought a BB gun recently at our local Scheels sporting goods store. While they were at Scheels waiting to view the security camera footage, the same dumb crook walks in to buy another BB gun and he was wearing the same clothes as the previous day during the holdup. An arrest was made.

[thankgod4rkids]

This one was in our local paper this morning. A dumb crook used an authentic looking BB gun to hold up a convenience store on Tuesday and got an undetermined amount of money. The detectives were investigating the holdup yesterday by tracing who had bought a BB gun recently at our local Scheels sporting goods store. While they were at Scheels waiting to view the security camera footage, the same dumb crook walks in to buy another BB gun and he was wearing the same clothes as the previous day during the holdup. An arrest was made.

I just heard that. Usually listen to Sioux Falls 1320 am in the tractor. Had a good chuckle.
Bill

[OLDE CUTLER]

How is this for dumb. A local 38 year old woman was arrested Monday after she was driving drunk downtown and hit 3 vehicles and a flower pot. Her SUV became disabled after she hit the 3rd vehicle. She had 4 children in the SUV with her, so she took the 1 year old, the 3 year old, and the 6 year old with her and fled on foot. She LEFT BEHIND a 2 week old baby in the vehicle! One person in one of the cars had minor injuries. The flower pot that she hit sustained $6000 worth of damage.

[RobesonsRme.com]

Back in the 70’s a dumb crook broke into a propane supply co in Guin, Alabama. While doing so, he had to defecate, so he did that in the grass between two propane tanks.

Not having anything with which to clean himself, he very wisely used deposit slips from his own checkbook and left them there with the deposited fecal matter.

He was arrested the following day.

[1967redrider]

I work at the Courthouse, so dumb crook stories are told daily. And I get to see the participants!

[Dan In MI]

I recall one from my old stomping grounds: Fresno, CA. A woman didn't have any money to pay her utility bill. She figured banks are full of money, so why not rob a bank? She was arrested at Pacific Gas and Electric's Fresno headquarters.

There are better ways to get the money to pay your utility bill than committing a federal offense.

[Mumbleypeg]

I told this in the “Mostly True Stories” thread a while back but it fits here. A friend who was a Dallas police officer told me about it.

A guy went into a convenience store late one night, wearing an overcoat. It was a warm summer night so the clerk on duty, a woman, was immediately suspicious and kept a watch on him. The guy took a can of soup from the shelf, brought it to the checkout and sat it on the counter. The clerk picked up the can, entered the price into her cash register and said “Will there be anything else sir?”

At which time the guy opened his overcoat, under which he was naked. Although the clerk could see from peripheral vision what he had done, she kept her gaze on the cash register, refusing to look at him. She repeated “Will there be anything else?” At that point he laid his privates on the counter. The clerk immediately whacked his privates with the soup can. As the guy was rolling on the floor, screaming in pain, the clerk called the police. Who apprehended and arrested the flasher.

My friend said the joke at the police station afterward was, they bet next time he would buy a loaf of bread!

Ken

[Ridgegrass]

Heard one a while back. A very heavy guy attempted to break into a basement dental office for possible drugs. He tried to enter via a window well, got stuck in the window for the weekend and froze to death. Paid the ultimate price! J.O'.

[OLDE CUTLER]

This one was in our local news recently. A Lyft driver picked up a passenger who had requested a ride. When the man got into the Lyft drivers vehicle, he told the driver to get on the interstate and head out of town. After a few miles he forced the driver to pull over, beat him and made off with the stolen car. The driver called 911 and a police officer came to the location and took his statement on what had happened. As the officer was giving the victim a ride back to town, suddenly the victim saw his car parked along the street. "That's him", so the officer pulled over to find that the criminal had pulled over there and fallen asleep. He was arrested without incident.

[OLDE CUTLER]

There was an item on the news about 2 burglars who smashed the front door of a business, located a heavy safe in the business, and spent a great deal of effort getting the safe from the building and into their vehicle. When police questioned the business owner as to what was in the safe he replied " nothing, it was empty".

[OLDE CUTLER]

A couple of days ago there was an "attempted" bank robbery in Sioux Falls at the Wells Fargo Bank. The robber wearing a backpack came into the bank and told a teller that he had a gun and a bomb. He had the teller put money in the backpack, stole the car keys from another customer in the bank, and turned to leave and make his getaway. Unknown to him, the teller had set off the silent alarm and he walked out of the door of the bank and right into handcuffs as the police had the building surrounded. The 22 year old robber faces 8 felony counts and will most likely not see freedom for a very long time. The bomb squad was called to check the backpack, but no bomb was found. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

[Mumbleypeg]

There was an item on the news about 2 burglars who smashed the front door of a business, located a heavy safe in the business, and spent a great deal of effort getting the safe from the building and into their vehicle. When police questioned the business owner as to what was in the safe he replied " nothing, it was empty".

Sounds a lot like the FBI raid at Trump's Florida home. They brought along a safe cracker to open his safe, only to discover afterword it was empty.

Ken