Hear of a Good One Lately

[PringleTree]

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses, the words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'
'I remember that, too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today."

[QTCut5]

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[doglegg]

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[just bob]

Know what you call racoons? - Thrash pandas

[doglegg]

Know what you call racoons? - Thrash pandas

[Mumbleypeg]

Two men went moose hunting in Canada for a week. When the week of hunting was over, a pilot flew in to pick them up, as arranged ahead of time. The pilot taxied the plane down the grass landing strip to where the hunters stood with all of their equipment and the two moose they had shot. The pilot got out of the plane and looked over the men’s equipment and the two moose. He then said, “I am sorry men, but we cannot take both moose back with us. There will be too much weight, and the plane will never get off the ground.”

The two hunters looked at each other for a moment, and then one of them said, “We think it will be all right. Last year we came up here with the same equipment and shot two moose about the same size as these. The pilot who picked us up had a plane about the size of yours, and we got off the ground just fine.”

The pilot thought for a moment, and then said, “Well, if you think it can be done, we’ll try it.” So they loaded up all the equipment and the two moose, and climbed aboard. The pilot taxied as far back on the grass strip as he could. He headed down the strip as fast as he could and began to pull the plane up. The plane bounced a couple of times, then finally lifted off the ground, flew a short ways, and crashed.

About fifteen minutes later, one of the two hunters regained consciousness. Soon the other hunter regained consciousness. They looked around for a moment, and then one of them said to the other, “Where are we?” The other hunter took one more look around and answered, “I think about two hundred yards farther than last year.”


Ken

[Paladin]

Two men went moose hunting in Canada for a week. When the week of hunting was over, a pilot flew in to pick them up, as arranged ahead of time. The pilot taxied the plane down the grass landing strip to where the hunters stood with all of their equipment and the two moose they had shot. The pilot got out of the plane and looked over the men’s equipment and the two moose. He then said, “I am sorry men, but we cannot take both moose back with us. There will be too much weight, and the plane will never get off the ground.”

The two hunters looked at each other for a moment, and then one of them said, “We think it will be all right. Last year we came up here with the same equipment and shot two moose about the same size as these. The pilot who picked us up had a plane about the size of yours, and we got off the ground just fine.”

The pilot thought for a moment, and then said, “Well, if you think it can be done, we’ll try it.” So they loaded up all the equipment and the two moose, and climbed aboard. The pilot taxied as far back on the grass strip as he could. He headed down the strip as fast as he could and began to pull the plane up. The plane bounced a couple of times, then finally lifted off the ground, flew a short ways, and crashed.

About fifteen minutes later, one of the two hunters regained consciousness. Soon the other hunter regained consciousness. They looked around for a moment, and then one of them said to the other, “Where are we?” The other hunter took one more look around and answered, “I think about two hundred yards farther than last year.”


Ken

Ray

[doglegg]

Two men went moose hunting in Canada for a week. When the week of hunting was over, a pilot flew in to pick them up, as arranged ahead of time. The pilot taxied the plane down the grass landing strip to where the hunters stood with all of their equipment and the two moose they had shot. The pilot got out of the plane and looked over the men’s equipment and the two moose. He then said, “I am sorry men, but we cannot take both moose back with us. There will be too much weight, and the plane will never get off the ground.”

The two hunters looked at each other for a moment, and then one of them said, “We think it will be all right. Last year we came up here with the same equipment and shot two moose about the same size as these. The pilot who picked us up had a plane about the size of yours, and we got off the ground just fine.”

The pilot thought for a moment, and then said, “Well, if you think it can be done, we’ll try it.” So they loaded up all the equipment and the two moose, and climbed aboard. The pilot taxied as far back on the grass strip as he could. He headed down the strip as fast as he could and began to pull the plane up. The plane bounced a couple of times, then finally lifted off the ground, flew a short ways, and crashed.

About fifteen minutes later, one of the two hunters regained consciousness. Soon the other hunter regained consciousness. They looked around for a moment, and then one of them said to the other, “Where are we?” The other hunter took one more look around and answered, “I think about two hundred yards farther than last year.”


Ken

[just bob]

We all know what a U Haul trailer is - right? Know what the plural is - All y'all.

Know what the most useless thing you'd ever find on a woman is? - A man my age. Just saw that in a movie.

[Mumbleypeg]

At a meeting of church pastors an Angel of the Lord appeared to them, and said he was to grant one wish, but to only one of the pastors. They would have to decide who among them would be the recipient. The pastors discussed this, and quickly decided to draw lots to determine the winner.

The winner was decided and made known to the Angel, who then said “I can only grant one wish. Do you prefer infinite wisdom, or great wealth?

The winning pastor, without hesitation replied “I want wisdom!” His wish was immediately granted. The other pastors gathered around him and asked “quick, tell us what you have learned from such great wisdom!”

The winning pastor replied “I should have taken the money.”



Ken

[OLDE CUTLER]

Try saying this one 3 times quickly.

The 6th sick sheiks 6th sheep's sick.

[Mumbleypeg]

A guy riding through the sticks one day stopped for lunch at a small rural cafe. While eating he overheard two locals talking about a mule that treed raccoons. He asked them about it. They swore it was true, and gave him directions to where he could find the mule. He went to the farm where the mule’s owner lived, and knocked on the door. The farmer answered and asked how he could help him.

“I heard in town that you have a mule that hunts raccoons.”

“Sure do, and he’s right good at it!”

“I’d sure like to see that.”

So the farmer let the mule it out of the pen. The men began to follow it through the woods. Eventually they came to a tree, where the mule stopped, started braying, and pawing at the tree’s trunk. Sure enough, there up in the tree was a raccoon. This was repeated twice more, each time with the result being the mule braying and pawing at a tree where there was a raccoon.

The man told the farmer “I’d like to buy that mule.”

“Thank you, but he’s not for sale.”

“I’ll give you $100 for him.”

“Well that’s a right generous offer, but he’s not for sale,”

“How about $500. I’ll give you $500 for the mule!”

The farmer thought for a minute, and said “That’s a real fine offer, and I’d like to sell you the mule. But to be honest you’d never get him across the river.”

“Why do you say that?” he asked.

The farmer replied “Because, that mule likes to fish even more than he likes to hunt raccoons!”



Ken

[Jeepergeo]

A guy riding through the sticks one day stopped for lunch at a small rural cafe. While eating he overheard two locals talking about a mule that treed raccoons. He asked them about it. They swore it was true, and gave him directions to where he could find the mule. He went to the farm where the mule’s owner lived, and knocked on the door. The farmer answered and asked how he could help him.

“I heard in town that you have a mule that hunts raccoons.”

“Sure do, and he’s right good at it!”

“I’d sure like to see that.”

So the farmer let the mule it out of the pen. The men began to follow it through the woods. Eventually they came to a tree, where the mule stopped, started braying, and pawing at the tree’s trunk. Sure enough, there up in the tree was a raccoon. This was repeated twice more, each time with the result being the mule braying and pawing at a tree where there was a raccoon.

The man told the farmer “I’d like to buy that mule.”

“Thank you, but he’s not for sale.”

“I’ll give you $100 for him.”

“Well that’s a right generous offer, but he’s not for sale,”

“How about $500. I’ll give you $500 for the mule!”

The farmer thought for a minute, and said “That’s a real fine offer, and I’d like to sell you the mule. But to be honest you’d never get him across the river.”

“Why do you say that?” he asked.

The farmer replied “Because, that mule likes to fish even more than he likes to hunt raccoons!”



Ken

[Waukonda]

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[bestgear]

From Facebook:

[doglegg]

From Facebook:IMG_9293.jpeg

[Paladin]

Ray

[C-WADE7]

One I found amusing

[bestgear]

One I found amusing

woodcarvers humor, I love it Coley!

[doglegg]

One I found amusing

I love it.

[OLDE CUTLER]

That's a good one.