Hear of a Good One Lately
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jerryd6818
- Posts: 39458
- Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:23 am
- Location: Farther down the road.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEiU-8gx0hc[/youtube]
Forged on the anvil of discipline.
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
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RobesonsRme.com
- Posts: 10131
- Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2009 3:44 pm
- Location: The Heart of Dixie.
- Contact:
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Verne was teeing off from the men's tee.
On his downswing, he realized that
his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him.
Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple,
killing her instantly.
A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.
Coroner: "Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force-trauma to
the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that
correct?"
Verne: "Yes, sir, that's correct."
Coroner: "Well, inexplicably, I found a golf ball wedged in her ass."
Verne: "Was it a Titleist 3?"
Coroner: "Why yes, it was."
Verne: "That was my mulligan."
On his downswing, he realized that
his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him.
Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple,
killing her instantly.
A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.
Coroner: "Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force-trauma to
the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that
correct?"
Verne: "Yes, sir, that's correct."
Coroner: "Well, inexplicably, I found a golf ball wedged in her ass."
Verne: "Was it a Titleist 3?"
Coroner: "Why yes, it was."
Verne: "That was my mulligan."
DE OPPRESSO LIBER
"...Men may spurn our appeals, reject our message, oppose our arguments, despise our persons ___but they are helpless against our prayers. "
Sidlow Baxter
"...Men may spurn our appeals, reject our message, oppose our arguments, despise our persons ___but they are helpless against our prayers. "
Sidlow Baxter
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jerryd6818
- Posts: 39458
- Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:23 am
- Location: Farther down the road.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
When I read this, I immediately thought of Tommy (Carrmillus). 
Should I Really Join Facebook?
When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship...
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.
The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me.
Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do fart a lot."
Should I Really Join Facebook?
When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship...
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.
The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me.
Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do fart a lot."
Forged on the anvil of discipline.
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
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jerryd6818
- Posts: 39458
- Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:23 am
- Location: Farther down the road.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
In Australia, the curbside garbage carts are called "wheelie bins."
A garbage collector is driving along a Sydney street picking up the wheelie bins and
Emptying them into his rubbish truck.
He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out. In the spirit of kindness
And after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of his truck, goes to
The front door and knocks.
There's no answer.
Being a conscientious bloke, he knocks again - much harder. Eventually, a Japanese
Man comes to the door.
"Harro!" says the Japanese man.
"G'day mate, where's ya' bin?" asks the collector.
"I bin on toilet," explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.
Realising the fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again.
"No mate, where's ya' dust bin?"
"I dust been to toilet, I toll you!'' says the Japanese man, still perplexed.
"Listen," says the garbage collector. "You're misunderstanding me. I mean,
where's ya' wheelie bin?'"
"OK, OK. " replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin, and whispers in the
Collector's' ear. "I wheelie bin having sex wiffa wife's sista!!!"
A garbage collector is driving along a Sydney street picking up the wheelie bins and
Emptying them into his rubbish truck.
He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out. In the spirit of kindness
And after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of his truck, goes to
The front door and knocks.
There's no answer.
Being a conscientious bloke, he knocks again - much harder. Eventually, a Japanese
Man comes to the door.
"Harro!" says the Japanese man.
"G'day mate, where's ya' bin?" asks the collector.
"I bin on toilet," explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.
Realising the fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again.
"No mate, where's ya' dust bin?"
"I dust been to toilet, I toll you!'' says the Japanese man, still perplexed.
"Listen," says the garbage collector. "You're misunderstanding me. I mean,
where's ya' wheelie bin?'"
"OK, OK. " replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin, and whispers in the
Collector's' ear. "I wheelie bin having sex wiffa wife's sista!!!"
Forged on the anvil of discipline.
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
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Sauconian
- Posts: 1396
- Joined: Wed Aug 29, 2007 12:39 am
- Location: Northampton Co.,Pa.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Gun Control has already started at Gander
Mountain Sporting Goods.
When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun
powder and bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing
me."
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the
gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had
instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally
subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should
place my credit card in the card-reader.
I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little more clear.
I still don't think I looked that bad.
Fran
Mountain Sporting Goods.
When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun
powder and bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing
me."
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the
gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had
instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally
subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should
place my credit card in the card-reader.
I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little more clear.
I still don't think I looked that bad.
Fran
If it's meant for me to have it, it'll still be there.
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carrmillus
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 6293
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:22 pm
- Location: tupelo, miss.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
.............I guess you've got me pegged, jerry!!!.............jerryd6818 wrote:When I read this, I immediately thought of Tommy (Carrmillus).
Should I Really Join Facebook?
When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship...
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.
The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me.
Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do fart a lot."
...........................-
jerryd6818
- Posts: 39458
- Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:23 am
- Location: Farther down the road.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
OLE TEXTS LENA………....
“Lena, I’m having 1 more beer with Sven.”
“If I’m not home in 1 hour .... read this message again.”
“Lena, I’m having 1 more beer with Sven.”
“If I’m not home in 1 hour .... read this message again.”
Forged on the anvil of discipline.
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
-
jerryd6818
- Posts: 39458
- Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:23 am
- Location: Farther down the road.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
This is sorta funny and sorta real life. You decide.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5i7M13Jxcw[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5i7M13Jxcw[/youtube]
Forged on the anvil of discipline.
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
-
jerryd6818
- Posts: 39458
- Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:23 am
- Location: Farther down the road.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
A Man walked into a Washington D.C. Catholic Church Confessional.
He tells the Priest: "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the crap out of a congressman.
The Priest responds: "My son, I'm here to forgive your sins, not discuss your community service”
He tells the Priest: "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the crap out of a congressman.
The Priest responds: "My son, I'm here to forgive your sins, not discuss your community service”
Forged on the anvil of discipline.
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
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Mumbleypeg
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 15735
- Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2014 1:28 am
- Location: Republic of Texas
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
True story, actually happened to me a few years ago. As I was leaving a shopping mall I noticed a young woman, probably early twenties in age, who was obviously distressed. I asked her "is something wrong? Do you need help?" She replied that she was locked out of her car, which she was standing beside. She began pointing her car key fob at the car and pushing the button. "See, the battery must be dead" she said.
I said " let me see that", and she handed the keys to me. I took the key, put it into the locked door, unlocked the door, and handed the keys back to her. She was very embarrassed!
I said " let me see that", and she handed the keys to me. I took the key, put it into the locked door, unlocked the door, and handed the keys back to her. She was very embarrassed!
Member AKTI, TSRA, NRA.
If your religion requires that you hate someone, you need a new religion.
When the people fear their government, that is tyranny. When government fears the people, that is freedom.
https://www.akti.org/
If your religion requires that you hate someone, you need a new religion.
When the people fear their government, that is tyranny. When government fears the people, that is freedom.
https://www.akti.org/
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Cutty
- Posts: 3031
- Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2012 3:15 pm
- Location: N. Georgia
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Was she blonde as well?
I dig half stops!!
"GOTTA DO WHATCHA GOTTA DO, SO THAT YOU GET TO DO, WHATCHA WANNA DO"
My Grandad.
God rest his soul.
Brian
"GOTTA DO WHATCHA GOTTA DO, SO THAT YOU GET TO DO, WHATCHA WANNA DO"
My Grandad.
God rest his soul.
Brian
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fergusontd
- Posts: 1832
- Joined: Tue Apr 07, 2009 9:03 pm
- Location: West Central Ohio
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Guy walks into work with two black eyes, a coworker asks what happened. Well I was in church Sunday and I was setting in the back when this big heavy woman sat in front of me. I noticed that her skirt was tucked in her butt crack being the gentleman that I was I reached up and pulled it out, that's when she backhanded me. Well I didn't want to offend her so I tucked it back in and she hit me again! 
"A pocketknife is a man's best friend!"
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Mumbleypeg
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 15735
- Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2014 1:28 am
- Location: Republic of Texas
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
I have a friend who is an officer with the Dallas Police Department. He has many stories about happenings the police encounter, many of them hilarious.
One night a man entered a convenience store, wearing a trench coat. It was a warm evening so the female clerk was immediately suspicious of him when he entered the store. The man went down one of the aisles, picked up a can of soup, brought it to the check out, and sat it on the counter. The clerk picked up the can and rang it up, all the while refusing to look directly at the man. She said "will there be anything else?" At which time the man pulled his coat open, exposing himself. The clerk, still holding the soup can and refusing to look at him, but able to see in her peripheral vision what he had done, repeated "will there be anything else?". The flasher stood up on tiptoes and laid his privates on the counter, at which time the clerk promptly whacked his privates with the can of soup. As the flasher rolled on the floor in agony the clerk calmly called 911. The police arrived quickly and took the man off to jail. unfortunately the man quickly posted bail and was released.
The really funny part is, my friend said that down at the station the cops were saying that next time they bet he would pick up a loaf of bread!
Ken
One night a man entered a convenience store, wearing a trench coat. It was a warm evening so the female clerk was immediately suspicious of him when he entered the store. The man went down one of the aisles, picked up a can of soup, brought it to the check out, and sat it on the counter. The clerk picked up the can and rang it up, all the while refusing to look directly at the man. She said "will there be anything else?" At which time the man pulled his coat open, exposing himself. The clerk, still holding the soup can and refusing to look at him, but able to see in her peripheral vision what he had done, repeated "will there be anything else?". The flasher stood up on tiptoes and laid his privates on the counter, at which time the clerk promptly whacked his privates with the can of soup. As the flasher rolled on the floor in agony the clerk calmly called 911. The police arrived quickly and took the man off to jail. unfortunately the man quickly posted bail and was released.
The really funny part is, my friend said that down at the station the cops were saying that next time they bet he would pick up a loaf of bread!
Ken
Member AKTI, TSRA, NRA.
If your religion requires that you hate someone, you need a new religion.
When the people fear their government, that is tyranny. When government fears the people, that is freedom.
https://www.akti.org/
If your religion requires that you hate someone, you need a new religion.
When the people fear their government, that is tyranny. When government fears the people, that is freedom.
https://www.akti.org/
-
jerryd6818
- Posts: 39458
- Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:23 am
- Location: Farther down the road.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Siamese twins walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a bar stool.
One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?"
"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees.
"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the culture..."
"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude."
"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.
"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."
One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?"
"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees.
"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the culture..."
"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude."
"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.
"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."
Forged on the anvil of discipline.
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
-
orvet
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 19921
- Joined: Tue May 16, 2006 6:23 am
- Location: Willamette Valley, Oregon
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Dale
AAPK Administrator
Please visit my AAPK store: www.allaboutpocketknives.com/orvet
Job 13:15
"Buy more ammo!" - Johnnie Fain
“Evil is Powerless If The Good are Unafraid.” – Ronald Reagan
AAPK Administrator
Please visit my AAPK store: www.allaboutpocketknives.com/orvet
Job 13:15
"Buy more ammo!" - Johnnie Fain
“Evil is Powerless If The Good are Unafraid.” – Ronald Reagan
-
MITCH RAPP
- Posts: 4184
- Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2005 5:49 pm
- Location: Southern California
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.'
The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'
The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?
The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half ...
The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob , do me a favor , follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.'
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,
'Your house!'
MITCH
"Buy more ammo!" - Johnnie Fain
"So far,So good...So What!" - Johnnie Samples
"Buy more ammo!" - Johnnie Fain
"So far,So good...So What!" - Johnnie Samples
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jerryd6818
- Posts: 39458
- Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:23 am
- Location: Farther down the road.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
An Israeli Sense of Humor at United Nations set the record straight.
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.
A representative from Israel began:
'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses.
When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, "What a good opportunity to have a bath!"
Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.
When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished.
A Palestinian had stolen them!
The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and shouted, "What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren't there then."
The Israeli representative smiled and said:
"And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech."
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.
A representative from Israel began:
'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses.
When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, "What a good opportunity to have a bath!"
Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.
When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished.
A Palestinian had stolen them!
The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and shouted, "What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren't there then."
The Israeli representative smiled and said:
"And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech."
Forged on the anvil of discipline.
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
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knife-nut
- Bronze Tier
- Posts: 1547
- Joined: Fri Jun 30, 2006 2:09 am
- Location: Wichita, Kansas
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philco
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 15552
- Joined: Sat Mar 22, 2008 9:32 pm
- Location: Kentucky (Wildcat Country)
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
The best jokes have the ring of truth to them. That one certainly qualifies.
Phil
AAPK Administrator
Jesus died for you. Are you living for Him?
"Buy More Ammo!"
Johnnie Fain 1949-2009
AAPK Administrator
Jesus died for you. Are you living for Him?
"Buy More Ammo!"
Johnnie Fain 1949-2009
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Mumbleypeg
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 15735
- Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2014 1:28 am
- Location: Republic of Texas
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
My son pointed me to this one today. If you're a guy over 25 years old you knew this already but just never had it thought out like this guy explains it. It's funny but if the guy in this video thinks he has figured out women he is delusional. 
Ain't possible! It is a good statistics lesson though.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qHQWlFtSptU
Ken
Ain't possible! It is a good statistics lesson though. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qHQWlFtSptU
Ken
Member AKTI, TSRA, NRA.
If your religion requires that you hate someone, you need a new religion.
When the people fear their government, that is tyranny. When government fears the people, that is freedom.
https://www.akti.org/
If your religion requires that you hate someone, you need a new religion.
When the people fear their government, that is tyranny. When government fears the people, that is freedom.
https://www.akti.org/
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jerryd6818
- Posts: 39458
- Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:23 am
- Location: Farther down the road.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Too true to be funny Ken.
Forged on the anvil of discipline.
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
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Cutty
- Posts: 3031
- Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2012 3:15 pm
- Location: N. Georgia
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Retired in the Mountains
Dan, a 35 year old New York stock broker had made it so big on Wall Street that he was able to retire at a young age. Using his wealth, he bought a cottage on a small hidden lake in the New Hampshire mountains. After six months of hardly any human contact except for venturing into town for supplies, he heard a knock on his door. He opened the door to find a big, surly, bearded man with a cane pole and a bucket full of fish standing in front of him.
"May I help you," Dan asked.
"The name's Jim, I live 'bout two miles down da' road in my cabin," the man said. "I'm just returning from a little fishin' down at the lake and thought I'd stop in to see my new neighbor."
"That's nice of you," said Dan.
"Well, I'm having a fish-fry party tonight and I thought I'd invite you, seein' that you're new here and all."
"Great," said Dan. "I haven't been out in six months."
Jim said, "I gotta' warn ya', there's gonna' be a lot a drinkin' at this here party."
"Well, I've been to all the bars in New York and have held my ground with the best of them," Dan replied.
"A lot of fightin' goes on at these parties too," Jim said.
Dan replied, "Well, it'll be nice to get out, and I think I can hold my own."
Jim said, "There's also gonna' be some wild and crazy love-making."
"Well I have been alone for the last six months," Dan said with a laugh.
So the big mountain man gave Dan directions to his cabin, and as he was walking away, Dan yelled out to him, "What should I wear tonight?"
The mountain man turned and replied, "Whatever you want, just gonna' be us two."
Dan, a 35 year old New York stock broker had made it so big on Wall Street that he was able to retire at a young age. Using his wealth, he bought a cottage on a small hidden lake in the New Hampshire mountains. After six months of hardly any human contact except for venturing into town for supplies, he heard a knock on his door. He opened the door to find a big, surly, bearded man with a cane pole and a bucket full of fish standing in front of him.
"May I help you," Dan asked.
"The name's Jim, I live 'bout two miles down da' road in my cabin," the man said. "I'm just returning from a little fishin' down at the lake and thought I'd stop in to see my new neighbor."
"That's nice of you," said Dan.
"Well, I'm having a fish-fry party tonight and I thought I'd invite you, seein' that you're new here and all."
"Great," said Dan. "I haven't been out in six months."
Jim said, "I gotta' warn ya', there's gonna' be a lot a drinkin' at this here party."
"Well, I've been to all the bars in New York and have held my ground with the best of them," Dan replied.
"A lot of fightin' goes on at these parties too," Jim said.
Dan replied, "Well, it'll be nice to get out, and I think I can hold my own."
Jim said, "There's also gonna' be some wild and crazy love-making."
"Well I have been alone for the last six months," Dan said with a laugh.
So the big mountain man gave Dan directions to his cabin, and as he was walking away, Dan yelled out to him, "What should I wear tonight?"
The mountain man turned and replied, "Whatever you want, just gonna' be us two."
I dig half stops!!
"GOTTA DO WHATCHA GOTTA DO, SO THAT YOU GET TO DO, WHATCHA WANNA DO"
My Grandad.
God rest his soul.
Brian
"GOTTA DO WHATCHA GOTTA DO, SO THAT YOU GET TO DO, WHATCHA WANNA DO"
My Grandad.
God rest his soul.
Brian
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junebug
- Posts: 5499
- Joined: Wed Dec 02, 2009 1:40 am
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
"Because tellin' people , i like having a SPYDIEHOLE sounds sooo much better than a THUMBHOLE"
- Junebug 2016
- Junebug 2016
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carrmillus
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 6293
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:22 pm
- Location: tupelo, miss.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
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tjmurphy
- Posts: 11129
- Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2009 12:41 pm
- Location: South of Cincinnati
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCiIBfEKCds[/youtube]
"There are none so blind as those that refuse to see"
God Bless America - Though I don't know why he would want to.
God Bless America - Though I don't know why he would want to.