Hear of a Good One Lately

[carvin don]

Mitch, I enjoy your posts

[carvin don]

"I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night
when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said.
'We don't waste money on newspapers.
Here, you can borrow my i-Pad.'
I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it..."

[johnnierotten]

That’s a good one, Don ...poor fly. ..

[orvet]

[MITCH RAPP]

Obama's 2013 New Year's Resolutions:

Party with Secret Service one last time .

Pack up White House silverware.

Cut prices for Presidential Pardons.

Fire up paper shredders.

Delete teleprompter porno.

Flip off Hillary Clinton.

Get medical marijuana card.

Ask Chris Matthews for a date.

Throw Eric Holder under the bus.

Throw Joe Biden under the short bus.

[MITCH RAPP]

Romney's 2013 New Year's Resolutions:

Prepare Secret Service pink slip.

Replace missing White House silverware.

Track and freeze pardon payments.

Shred piles of Hope n' Change posters.

Donate teleprompters to the Salvation Army.

Flip off Hillary Clinton.

Rescind medical marijuana cards.

Send Chris Matthews a condolence letter.

Take Eric Holder into custody.

Remove hair plug coverage from ObamaCare.

[johnnierotten]

...

[MITCH RAPP]

President Obama decided to do one of his public addresses against the backdrop of an American farm, but the ceremony couldn't get started because of all the flies buzzing around his head. Obama demanded to know why the flies wouldn't leave, so the farmer explained to him, "Well, those are called circle flies. They always circle around the back end of horses." Obama angrily replied, "Hey, are you saying that I'm a horse's ass?" The farmer answered, "No Sir, Mister President. I would never call someone a horse's ass. It's hard to fool them flies though."

fly 2 .jpg (41.88 KiB) Viewed 1988 times

[MITCH RAPP]

Why Beer Is Better Than Obama

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

Benjamin Franklin


Beer is better than Obama because soldiers like beer.

Beer is better than Obama because sailors like beer.

Beer is better than Obama because marines like beer.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't come from Madrassas.

Beer is better than Obama because you know what's in beer.

Beer is better than Obama because beer won't take half your paycheck.

Beer is better than Obama because beer makes life a little better.

Beer is better than Obama because you're sad if there's no more beer.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't lie.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't have entitlement demands.

Beer is better than Obama because beer and whine don't mix.

Beer is better than Obama because beer has a pretty good head on it.

Beer is better than Obama because beer and bowling go together.

Beer is better than Obama because beer and arugula don't.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn’t mind if you cling to your beer.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn’t trash talk you behind your back.

Beer is better than Obama because cold beer disproves the myth of man made global warming.

Beer is better than Obama because imported beer doesn’t pretend to be domestic.

Beer is better than Obama because beer likes it when I set my thermostat COLD.

Beer is better than Obama because beer is GREEN only on St. Patrick’s Day.

Beer is better than Obama because beer didn’t smoke pot and snort coke.

Beer is better than Obama because beer is better than Vichy Water.

Beer is better than Obama because beer is unpretentious.

Beer is better than Obama because people in small towns cling to God, guns and beer.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't promise you a free lunch.

*********************

[johnnierotten]

The horse's ass... ...that was funny.

[Bacon Lover]

"I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night
when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said.
'We don't waste money on newspapers.
Here, you can borrow my i-Pad.'
I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it..."

Dam, that;s funny

[tjmurphy]

Subject: FW: Vasectomy











A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off.



When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him.



Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the cord is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker.



The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room.



While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating.



Curious, the man asks," What are they doing in there"?



The nurse responds, " They're preparing for vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross, and they have Obama Care."

[orvet]

Seen on Craigs List

FIFTY YEAR OLD MANURE SPREADER - $1 (WASHINGTON, DC)

Fifty-year old manure spreader. Not sure of brand. Said to have been produced in Kenya. Used for a few years in Indonesia before being smuggled into the US via Hawaii. Of questionable pedigree. Does not appear to have ever been worked hard. Apparently, it was pampered by various owners over the years. It doesn't work very often, but when it does it can sling s--t for amazing distances. I am hoping to retire the manure spreader this November. I really don't want it hanging around getting in the way. I would prefer a foreign buyer to relocate the manure spreader out of the country. I would be willing to trade it for a nicely framed copy of the United States Constitution.

Location: Currently being stored in a big white house in Washington, D.C

[treefarmer]

Treefarmer

[Cutty]

Ran across this pic. just had to share it. Talk about a handy knife for the wife.

[jerryd6818]

She must be Swiss.

[Classic Case]

Swiss army wife.

[johnnierotten]

[shugy]

Hey Cutty, theres a fine example of somone with way too much wine ,oops, TIME on their hands

[johnnierotten]

She must be Swiss.

Swiss army wife.

I laugh every time I read this...

[Cutty]

Hey Cutty, theres a fine example of somone with way too much wine ,oops, TIME on their hands

Yeah. The only question is where does she keep the toothpick and tweezers and does she have a key ring in her nose

Yep, just had to go there

[Knife Nut]

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Nee Deep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned home from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

[tjmurphy]

[MITCH RAPP]

Man! That's Outstanding! Very Funny! Through the years I have come across there son Chicken Schitt on many occasions.

[Cutty]

This should be Obummers campain song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tE0M9R1Y ... re=related