All About Pocket Knives

New Bill AWNAA

The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

Washington, DC – October 13, 2012 - The Obama Administration is urging Congress and the Senate to pass sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans: The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) . President Obama said he will sign it as soon as it hits his desk. The AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said California Senator Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing. We are legalizing another protected class of Americans.”

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. Employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (a whopping 83%).

Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most inept employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?'

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,' said Ken Cox, who lost his position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan , due to his inability to remember 'righty tightey, lefty loosey.' 'This new law should be real good for people like me,' Cox added. With the passage of this bill, Cox and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): “As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.”

OMG!!!!! THIS COULD BE TRUE!!!

Well Jerry, What are ya looking for in trade for this bill...LOL!! Ya done it again!!!!!!

That is too true to life to be very funny!

To the libs the only thing that matters is equality of outcomes.
To the Founding Fathers of the USA, the important thing was equality of opportunity.

My mother had a name for "Americans With No Abilities" it was simple: LAZY!

I guess the new minority is the LAZY.
Or as my DI referred to them; limp, lame & lazy.

Soon we will have this protected class of people who can't be discriminated against, the Lazy.
You won't be able to be fired for being Lazy.
Oh, wait a minute; we have jobs like that now. They are called government jobs!

Mars Chocolate and SC Johnson Wax are already operating to this standard. Anyone who actually does their job is banned from promotion while the useless are promoted to keep them from hampering production.

Sadly a true description of reality.

Lets not forget 90% of the administrative faculty in schools without which our teachers apparently can't function !

Funny.

Iron Hoarder wrote:Mars Chocolate and SC Johnson Wax are already operating to this standard. Anyone who actually does their job is banned from promotion while the useless are promoted to keep them from hampering production.

Sadly a true description of reality.

Like the old saying:
Those that can do. Those that can't manage.

That was the way it seemed when I worked for the State.
We had a guy who could barley do his job, with help.
They put him into management training to supervise the people who were doing the same job he tried to do.
After a year of a training program he was supposed to be ready to manage the office of about 50+ people. but he still couldn't do the job. They brought another manager out or retirement for about 1-1.2 year to mentor him. When he was finally allowed to manage on his own he was really bad at managing. So then he gets promoted again to be the District Manager, again overseeing people who's job he could not do well.

Is it any wonder our government is so messed up?

Did they try this in Russia, Cuba and North Korea.The people who want to work and go ahead are held back by the non triers.The country falls in a heap because its not worth the effort to try and you loss all pride in your work.