fergusontd wrote:I don't see a problem with that! ftd
Hear of a Good One Lately
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jerryd6818
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 39184
- Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:23 am
- Location: The middle of the top of a bastion of Liberalism.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Forged on the anvil of discipline.
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.
An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”
The doctor replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”
“That’s a lot of money,” says the old man. “Why does it cost so much?”
“Because this car can do up to 250 miles an hour!” states the doctor proudly.
The moped driver asks, “Mind if I take a look inside?”“No problem,” replies the doctor.So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right, but I’ll stick with my moped!”
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 150 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror – what it could be…and suddenly…
WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH!
Something whips by him going much faster!
“What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?” the doctor asks himself.
He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 175 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it’s the old man on the moped!
Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 210 mph.
WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH!
He’s feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of his old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 250 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the moped bearing down on him again!
The Ferrari is flat out, and there’s nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and , unbelievably, the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the mangled old man and says, “Oh my gosh! Is there anything I can do for you?”
The old man whispers, “Please Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror.”
An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”
The doctor replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”
“That’s a lot of money,” says the old man. “Why does it cost so much?”
“Because this car can do up to 250 miles an hour!” states the doctor proudly.
The moped driver asks, “Mind if I take a look inside?”“No problem,” replies the doctor.So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right, but I’ll stick with my moped!”
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 150 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror – what it could be…and suddenly…
WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH!
Something whips by him going much faster!
“What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?” the doctor asks himself.
He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 175 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it’s the old man on the moped!
Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 210 mph.
WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH!
He’s feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of his old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 250 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the moped bearing down on him again!
The Ferrari is flat out, and there’s nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and , unbelievably, the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the mangled old man and says, “Oh my gosh! Is there anything I can do for you?”
The old man whispers, “Please Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror.”
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
For nature lovers:
When you go to the woods, stitch a bell for your garment. His ring scares the bears. And you better not walk in the bear trails. That this is a bear trail you can guess in the bear stools. And that they are bear stools, you can understand the bells that come out of them!
A tire burst, the driver gets out of the car, pulls a jack from the trunk and starts to take off the wheel.
A curious passerby stops to the car.
- What's happening?
- How what? I take the wheel.
The passerby takes the jack lever and bash the windscreen.
- I'll take the radio!
When you go to the woods, stitch a bell for your garment. His ring scares the bears. And you better not walk in the bear trails. That this is a bear trail you can guess in the bear stools. And that they are bear stools, you can understand the bells that come out of them!
A tire burst, the driver gets out of the car, pulls a jack from the trunk and starts to take off the wheel.
A curious passerby stops to the car.
- What's happening?
- How what? I take the wheel.
The passerby takes the jack lever and bash the windscreen.
- I'll take the radio!
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
I bet the last one happened here in Surrey!
I’m too young to be this old!
“Hey Ann, gotchyer knife?!”
“Hey Ann, gotchyer knife?!”
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treefarmer
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 12913
- Joined: Sun Oct 04, 2009 6:53 am
- Location: Florida Panhandle(LA-Lower Alabama)
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Double click this and enjoy:
Treefarmer
A GUN IN THE HAND IS BETTER THAN A COP ON THE PHONE.
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OLDE CUTLER
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 4347
- Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 8:11 pm
- Location: South Dakota
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Did you know that the state of Northern Macedonia is located in the western Balkans, which are in the southern part of eastern Europe.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Treefarmer, OC, Eustace, all good ones. 
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Be a big mess if they hurl.OLDE CUTLER wrote:IMG_2978.JPG
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
A king sat in the throne room and heard shouts from the window:
- Come on to the nice а-а-а-apples!
Looked - an old man with a wagon sells apples, and a crowd of buyers around.
The king asked to taste the fruits, called the first minister and said:
- I give you five gold coins, run to buy me apples.
The first minister called the last minister and told him:
- I give you four coins, run to buy apples.
The last minister called the ceremonial master and told him:
- Get those three coins, run to buy apples.
The ceremonial master called out to the chief of guards and said:
- Here are two coins, run to buy apples.
The chief of the guard called out to a guard and said:
- Take this coin, run to buy apples.
The guard came out and caught the old man by the collar:
- Hey, what were you shouting at? Is it a market or a royal palace here? Get out, apples are being confiscated.
The guard came back and said:
- Here, boss, good bargain. For a coin - half a wagon of apples.
The boss went to the ceremonial master:
-So, for two coins - a sack of apples.
The ceremonial master went to the last minister:
- Here, for three coins one bag of apples.
The last minister went to the first minister:
- Here, for four coins half a bag of apples. What to do, boss, inflation.
The first minister appeared to the king:
"Here, Your Majesty, as you have ordered, these five apples.
The king sits in the throne room and thinks:
"Five apples - five gold coins." One apple - one coin. And the people buy it.
THE TAXES OF THESE PEOPLE SHOULD BE INCREASED!
- Come on to the nice а-а-а-apples!
Looked - an old man with a wagon sells apples, and a crowd of buyers around.
The king asked to taste the fruits, called the first minister and said:
- I give you five gold coins, run to buy me apples.
The first minister called the last minister and told him:
- I give you four coins, run to buy apples.
The last minister called the ceremonial master and told him:
- Get those three coins, run to buy apples.
The ceremonial master called out to the chief of guards and said:
- Here are two coins, run to buy apples.
The chief of the guard called out to a guard and said:
- Take this coin, run to buy apples.
The guard came out and caught the old man by the collar:
- Hey, what were you shouting at? Is it a market or a royal palace here? Get out, apples are being confiscated.
The guard came back and said:
- Here, boss, good bargain. For a coin - half a wagon of apples.
The boss went to the ceremonial master:
-So, for two coins - a sack of apples.
The ceremonial master went to the last minister:
- Here, for three coins one bag of apples.
The last minister went to the first minister:
- Here, for four coins half a bag of apples. What to do, boss, inflation.
The first minister appeared to the king:
"Here, Your Majesty, as you have ordered, these five apples.
The king sits in the throne room and thinks:
"Five apples - five gold coins." One apple - one coin. And the people buy it.
THE TAXES OF THESE PEOPLE SHOULD BE INCREASED!
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Mumbleypeg
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 13471
- Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2014 1:28 am
- Location: Republic of Texas
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Good one Eustace!
Ken
Ken
Member AKTI, TSRA, NRA.
If your religion requires that you hate someone, you need a new religion.
When the people fear their government, that is tyranny. When government fears the people, that is freedom.
https://www.akti.org/
If your religion requires that you hate someone, you need a new religion.
When the people fear their government, that is tyranny. When government fears the people, that is freedom.
https://www.akti.org/
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Eustace that is too close to the truth to be funny. Happens everyday.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
An old priest lay dying in a Hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital
He motioned for his nurse to come near.
“Yes, Father?” said the nurse.
“I would really like to see Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi before I die”, whispered the priest.
“I’ll see what I can do, Father,” replied the nurse. The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Chuck and Nancy would be delighted to visit the priest
As they went to the hospital, Chuck commented to Nancy “I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.” Nancy couldn’t help but agree.
When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Nancy‘s hand in his right hand and Chuck’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face. Finally Nancy spoke. “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”
The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
The old priest continued... “He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same!
He motioned for his nurse to come near.
“Yes, Father?” said the nurse.
“I would really like to see Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi before I die”, whispered the priest.
“I’ll see what I can do, Father,” replied the nurse. The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Chuck and Nancy would be delighted to visit the priest
As they went to the hospital, Chuck commented to Nancy “I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.” Nancy couldn’t help but agree.
When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Nancy‘s hand in his right hand and Chuck’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face. Finally Nancy spoke. “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”
The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
The old priest continued... “He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same!
Dale
AAPK Administrator
Please visit my AAPK store: www.allaboutpocketknives.com/orvet
Job 13:15
“In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” - George Orwell
AAPK Administrator
Please visit my AAPK store: www.allaboutpocketknives.com/orvet
Job 13:15
“In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” - George Orwell
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Quick Steel
- Bronze Tier
- Posts: 16987
- Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2010 5:39 pm
- Location: Lebanon, KY
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Paladin
- Bronze Tier
- Posts: 11437
- Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2007 12:20 am
- Location: Near Austin, Texas, between a Rock and a Weird Place
- Contact:
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Paladin
God Bless the USA
Please visit my store SWEETWATER KNIVES
"Buy more ammo" - Johnnie Fain
"I'm glad I ain't scared to be lazy." Augustus McCrae
God Bless the USA
Please visit my store SWEETWATER KNIVES
"Buy more ammo" - Johnnie Fain
"I'm glad I ain't scared to be lazy." Augustus McCrae
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Dale that's hilarious!!orvet wrote:An old priest lay dying in a Hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital
He motioned for his nurse to come near.
“Yes, Father?” said the nurse.
“I would really like to see Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi before I die”, whispered the priest.
“I’ll see what I can do, Father,” replied the nurse. The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Chuck and Nancy would be delighted to visit the priest
As they went to the hospital, Chuck commented to Nancy “I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.” Nancy couldn’t help but agree.
When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Nancy‘s hand in his right hand and Chuck’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face. Finally Nancy spoke. “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”
The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
The old priest continued... “He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same!
David
"Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife" Meat Loaf
"Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife" Meat Loaf
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
A couple that had been married for years go to the local shopping mall. After a while they lose one another. The wife rings the husband on her mobile. Where are you she demands? You know that jewelers shop where when we started dating you fell in love with that diamond pendant, and i said i would buy it for you one day. WELL she goes all gushy and lovey, and says " Oh yes darling i do remember, i thought you had forgotten". Well i'm in the liquor store next door!!! 
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Quick Steel
- Bronze Tier
- Posts: 16987
- Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2010 5:39 pm
- Location: Lebanon, KY
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Colleagues, a friend took a ticket for Formula 1, but the idiot did not see it coincide with his wedding ... So if anyone wants to go to his place the wedding is at St. Petka's church, the girl is called Christina, it's all paid!
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
If a Fanta bottle has a Coca Cola cap, then there is a home-made brandy in the bottle!
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WillyCamaro
- Posts: 6097
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2019 4:03 am
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
"Never, never, never give up."
Winston Churchill
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Matthew 6:34
Winston Churchill
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Matthew 6:34
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
You have Fanta in Bulgaria? about the worse soda or pop for me is Canfields. How about american fast food like McDonald's of Kentucky Fried Chicken? Can we still buy chocola? now that was good.Eustace wrote:If a Fanta bottle has a Coca Cola cap, then there is a home-made brandy in the bottle!
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Yes, we have fanta, McDonalds and KFC. But because we are Orientalsmrwatch wrote:You have Fanta in Bulgaria? about the worse soda or pop for me is Canfields. How about american fast food like McDonald's of Kentucky Fried Chicken? Can we still buy chocola? now that was good.Eustace wrote:If a Fanta bottle has a Coca Cola cap, then there is a home-made brandy in the bottle!
, the fast food chains of Doner kebab are much more common. In my family, we are not big fans of junk food. Only the subway sandwiches are so-so good.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Eustace, I enjoyed Doner kabob when visiting with my son when he lived in Germany a few years ago. I really liked them. Also it seemed to me that Fanta was more popular in Germany than Coca Cola. But they did like a mix of Coca Cola and beer, the called it a Diesel. 