Hear of a Good One Lately

[Eustace]

A man goes to the doctor with three broken ribs and a bruised jaw, and explains why.
- I work on a bulldozer in a road repair company. On Friday evening we repaired the road and I look - we forgot a shaft open. I shout to myself - some child will fall. And I closed the heavy lid with the shovel of the bulldozer because it can't be lifted easily...
- Well, and? - asks the doctor.
- Well, on Monday, when I opened it again, three electricians came out...

[Eustace]

Winter. Kindergarten. Afternoon. The children are getting ready to leave and the teachers and nannies are helping with the dressing. Four-year-old Radi is having trouble with his shoes, and one of the nanny comes to help. The kid's tall shoes fit in with difficulty, as if they were at least two sizes too small, but finally, the sweat-drenched woman manages, only to hear:
- But they are the other way around!...
She looks and freezes - indeed the right and left have been switched. It turns out that the process of taking it off is almost as labor intensive as putting it on. After all, the shoes are taking their rightful place, and Radi reports:
- And these are not my shoes!...
The nanny literally freaks out, nervously (but much faster, thanks to the accumulated experience) takes them down and asks:
- And where are yours?
- At home. Dad glued them on, and today I'm wearing my older brother Vladi's old shoes.
Barely restraining herself from screaming, the nanny resumed her efforts to put on her winter gear. When she finally finishes, she examines the child, then rummages through his locker, and with a mixture of hope and despair asks:
- And where are your gloves?
- When I came in the morning, I put them in the shoes...

[Eustace]

In the doctor's office:
- Yes, a new life has been born in you.
- But doctor, I'm a man!!!
- Well, how can I tell you, intestinal worms don't care...

[treefarmer]

3 great ones, Eustace!
Treefarmer

[Ridgegrass]

Polish immigrant, (legal), is taking his eye test. Doctor says,"Read that third line". Polish guy says, "Read it! That's my cousin!"

My maternal grandma was a Gretsky, Great grand-dad was a Szczech, (No English pronunciation for that one!) I'm authorized. J.O'.

[OLDE CUTLER]

Why don't blind people go sky diving?




It scares the heck out of their dogs.

[Samb]

Good one

[QTCut5]

When Houston beat Philadelphia in the 2022 MLB World Series I was happy for the Astro's fans; but, I do feel sorry for the Phillies' fans because not only are they all blackout drunk and brawling in the streets, but afterwards they had to watch their team lose!

[Eustace]

A woman complains to a friend:
- I'm tired of this husband of mine! I hear the same thing from him: mom said this, mom did that, mom... I can't listen to his mom anymore!
- Listen now! The important thing is to intrigue him as a woman - then he will simply stop thinking about his mother - advises the friend.
The man comes home in the evening - his wife welcomes him dressed in black, erotic underwear.
The man looks at her thoughtfully for a few seconds and asks:
- Why are you all in black, huh? Did something happen to mom?


Hello dear! I went through the office and took 500 leva from your jacket.
- You did well, I haven't worked there for three months now.

[MissouriGuerrilla]

If a light sleeper sleeps with a light on,
does a hard sleeper sleep with a...window open a few inches?

[TPK]

True Story.:

The other day my boss saw me & said:
So you'll have a big 50th Birthday this we.


Without missing a beat I replied:
Yep! I hope you have some sort of nice surprise planned for the occasion.


Without missing a beat he said:
Yep! Overtime!

I replied:
Oh Ok, then just forget we ever talked about it.

[MadeinUSA]

[QTCut5]

[Eustace]

Phone call:
- What are you doing, son?
- I lie and look at one point.
- Aren't you going to look for a job?
- Mom, didn't I tell you that I'm a sniper!

[Oledadsknives]

WHO KNEW….
Einstein was born March 14 1879. He would be 144 years old if he were alive today. Few people remember that he married his cousin Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage failed in 1919.
At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa “because she was so well endowed”

He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA connection!
This came to be known as…….



Einsteins Theory of “Relative Titty”

Jimbo

[Colonel26]

True story….

My oldest son (17) came up to me last night and said, “I just realized that the Bible says there won’t be any women in heaven.”

I said, “What??”

He said, “Yep! Revelation 8:1 says that when Jesus opened the 7th seal there was silence in heaven for half an hour.”

Lol the boy ain’t right.

[Paladin]

Now, that is a good boy!

Ray

[Colonel26]

Now, that is a good boy!

Ray

I have no idea where he gets it. Lol

[jerryd6818]

Now, that is a good boy!

Ray

I have no idea where he gets it. Lol

Uh, maybe from his mother? After all, she married you.

[Colonel26]

Now, that is a good boy!

Ray

I have no idea where he gets it. Lol

Uh, maybe from his mother? After all, she married you.

We’ll I do blame many things on his momma’s side of the family. Lol

[Colonel26]

I’m thinking of selling shares in my little flock.

https://babylonbee.com/news/local-hen-s ... -net-worth

[Old Folder]

I have never given any thought of Mt. Rushmore's back side.
Now I know.

Mt. Rushmore. Canadian side..jpg (56.26 KiB) Viewed 741 times

Dan

[Ridgegrass]

Heard this from Minnie Pearl.

At a baby show in Grinder's Switch the women were admiring the new babies and one woman who had had a baby each of the last five years didn't have one this year. When the others asked why, she said she got a hearing aide instead. The ladies were puzzled until she explained: "When my husband and I go to bed he always says,"Do you want to go right to sleep or what?", to which I'd answer, "What?".

I loved Minnie Pearl. J.O'.

[Paladin]

Heard this from Minnie Pearl.

At a baby show in Grinder's Switch the women were admiring the new babies and one woman who had had a baby each of the last five years didn't have one this year. When the others asked why, she said she got a hearing aide instead. The ladies were puzzled until she explained: "When my husband and I go to bed he always says,"Do you want to go right to sleep or what?", to which I'd answer, "What?".

I loved Minnie Pearl. J.O'.

She was a dandy! Good one!

Ray

[Oledadsknives]

Good one j.o. That Minnie pearl was a mess for sure.
Jimbo