Hear of a Good One Lately
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Very funny Jerry
David
"Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife" Meat Loaf
"Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife" Meat Loaf
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Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Ray
Paladin
God Bless the USA
Please visit my store SWEETWATER KNIVES
"Buy more ammo" - Johnnie Fain
"I'm glad I ain't scared to be lazy." Augustus McCrae
God Bless the USA
Please visit my store SWEETWATER KNIVES
"Buy more ammo" - Johnnie Fain
"I'm glad I ain't scared to be lazy." Augustus McCrae
- treefarmer
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Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Good one Jerry!
If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.
Wayne
Please visit My AAPK store https://www.allaboutpocketknives.com/catalog/btrwtr
Wayne
Please visit My AAPK store https://www.allaboutpocketknives.com/catalog/btrwtr
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
How to catch a Polar Bear!
Cut a hole in the ice. Sprinkle some peas around the opening. When he comes up to take a pea
you kick him in the ice hole!!
Or maybe this is how to piss off a Polar Bear
Cut a hole in the ice. Sprinkle some peas around the opening. When he comes up to take a pea
you kick him in the ice hole!!
Or maybe this is how to piss off a Polar Bear
Lloyd
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Interrogation of a suspect in the police.
"Do you know this knife?"
- Yes, I know.
"Oh, you will admit yourself!" And where did you see it?
"Well, for the third day you show it to me.
.......................................................
Nothing raises damn Monday's mood in the office, as two or three Viagra tablets into the jug with the common coffee.
......................................................
Associates of the United States Department of Defense announced to Associated Press,
that in the last few days, two Russian nuclear submarines patrol the eastern coast of the United States.
The Russian Ministry of Defense refuted this data :
1.Submarines are not two but eight
2.They do not patrol, they're searching for a sunken tanker full of vodka.
.....................................................
Chief of Psychiatry to the chief nurse:
- Petrova, for a hundredth time, I'm telling you. Do not answer the phone calls with: "I don't hear you, here is some madness ..."
"Do you know this knife?"
- Yes, I know.
"Oh, you will admit yourself!" And where did you see it?
"Well, for the third day you show it to me.
.......................................................
Nothing raises damn Monday's mood in the office, as two or three Viagra tablets into the jug with the common coffee.
......................................................
Associates of the United States Department of Defense announced to Associated Press,
that in the last few days, two Russian nuclear submarines patrol the eastern coast of the United States.
The Russian Ministry of Defense refuted this data :
1.Submarines are not two but eight
2.They do not patrol, they're searching for a sunken tanker full of vodka.
.....................................................
Chief of Psychiatry to the chief nurse:
- Petrova, for a hundredth time, I'm telling you. Do not answer the phone calls with: "I don't hear you, here is some madness ..."
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Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Forged on the anvil of discipline.
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
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Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Jerry, I must live a sheltered life. I don't remember seeing that guy before. Plain old fashioned comedy!
Treefarmer
Treefarmer
A GUN IN THE HAND IS BETTER THAN A COP ON THE PHONE.
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Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
The show was out of Canada and if you don't have cable TV, it's unlikely you ever had an opportunity to see it. The show followed the adventures and mis-adventures of the members of Possum Lodge. It was aired here in the states on PBS from 1991 until the series finale 7 April 2006.
A quote from the show, "If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy."
A quote from the show, "If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy."
Forged on the anvil of discipline.
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
- jerryd6818
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Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Ship's New Female Quarters Regulations
Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters
in a separate private "OFF LIMITS" area on all aircraft
carriers. While addressing all personnel at Pearl Harbor, CINCPAC advised,
"Female sleeping quarters will be "out-of-bounds" for all males.
Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first
time."
And the Admiral continued,
"Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined
$150. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500.
Are there any questions?"
At this point, a US Marine from the security detail assigned to
a ship stood up in the crowd and inquired:
"How much for a season pass?"
Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters
in a separate private "OFF LIMITS" area on all aircraft
carriers. While addressing all personnel at Pearl Harbor, CINCPAC advised,
"Female sleeping quarters will be "out-of-bounds" for all males.
Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first
time."
And the Admiral continued,
"Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined
$150. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500.
Are there any questions?"
At this point, a US Marine from the security detail assigned to
a ship stood up in the crowd and inquired:
"How much for a season pass?"
Forged on the anvil of discipline.
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
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Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Well Jerry, we're waiting for an answer, or are you waiting in line at the bank for a loan. ftd
"A pocketknife is a man's best friend!"
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Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Gosh Ferg. I thought that was a rhetorical question.
Forged on the anvil of discipline.
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Now, while I cut the vegetables for my daughter's favorite "grandmother's stew", I thought I should start crying when I cut the carrots. Otherwise, the onion may think it is a some freak and offend.
I hope now that I do not get an example in the topic "men becoming women" because I'm cooking.
It's done. Bon appétit!
I hope now that I do not get an example in the topic "men becoming women" because I'm cooking.
It's done. Bon appétit!
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Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Eustace, Not a chance of that happening. We have a thread devoted to recipes. Check for it under General Off Topic. Here is a link. viewtopic.php?f=21&t=43082Eustace wrote:,,,,,,,,,,, I hope now that I do not get an example in the topic "men becoming women" because I'm cooking.
It's done. Bon appétit!
Ray
Paladin
God Bless the USA
Please visit my store SWEETWATER KNIVES
"Buy more ammo" - Johnnie Fain
"I'm glad I ain't scared to be lazy." Augustus McCrae
God Bless the USA
Please visit my store SWEETWATER KNIVES
"Buy more ammo" - Johnnie Fain
"I'm glad I ain't scared to be lazy." Augustus McCrae
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Thank you, Ray! I will join soon with some typical Bulgarian recipes.
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Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
I'll look forward to see your posts.Eustace wrote:Thank you, Ray! I will join soon with some typical Bulgarian recipes.
Ray
Paladin
God Bless the USA
Please visit my store SWEETWATER KNIVES
"Buy more ammo" - Johnnie Fain
"I'm glad I ain't scared to be lazy." Augustus McCrae
God Bless the USA
Please visit my store SWEETWATER KNIVES
"Buy more ammo" - Johnnie Fain
"I'm glad I ain't scared to be lazy." Augustus McCrae
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Eustace, I too will look forward to your post and that looks absolutely delicious.
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Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Ole was a farm boy all his life, only traveling to the small town in his part of the world. But one day the opportunity came up for Ole to travel to the BIG city. When he got there he marveled at the traffic, the noise, and the PEOPLE! He was walking down one of the major avenues when he saw a woman standing along the street and as he walked by she looked at him and said, "Hey big guy, come over here". Ole went over and looked at the way she was dressed (or not dressed) and she came up to him and whispered in his ear "I will do ANYTHING YOU WANT me to do for $100". Ole took a step back and looked at her and said "I am going to take you up on that!" The woman cozzied up to Ole and said to him "what is it you would like me to do?" Ole looked at her and answered "paint my house".
"Sometimes even the blind chicken finds corn"
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
From the police protocols:
"During the interrogation of the suspect were shown irrefutable evidence, as a result of which emotion he bled from the nose, dropped his four teeth and broke two ribs ..."
"Yesterday, two unknowns invaded the Ivanovi family home.Having locked Mrs. Ivanova in the bathroom, forced Ivanov to drink two bottles of vodka with them."
The suspect got into the elevator and escaped in an unknown direction.
The suspect did not respond to the questions asked for a long time, then suddenly began to hit with head the investigator's shoes.
In everyone, even the worst, can find something good. So everyone should be carefully scrutinized.
(from instructions to duty policemen)
"During the interrogation of the suspect were shown irrefutable evidence, as a result of which emotion he bled from the nose, dropped his four teeth and broke two ribs ..."
"Yesterday, two unknowns invaded the Ivanovi family home.Having locked Mrs. Ivanova in the bathroom, forced Ivanov to drink two bottles of vodka with them."
The suspect got into the elevator and escaped in an unknown direction.
The suspect did not respond to the questions asked for a long time, then suddenly began to hit with head the investigator's shoes.
In everyone, even the worst, can find something good. So everyone should be carefully scrutinized.
(from instructions to duty policemen)
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
I don't understand, but I enjoyed it none-the-less!Eustace wrote:From the police protocols:
"During the interrogation of the suspect were shown irrefutable evidence, as a result of which emotion he bled from the nose, dropped his four teeth and broke two ribs ..."
"Yesterday, two unknowns invaded the Ivanovi family home.Having locked Mrs. Ivanova in the bathroom, forced Ivanov to drink two bottles of vodka with them."
The suspect got into the elevator and escaped in an unknown direction.
The suspect did not respond to the questions asked for a long time, then suddenly began to hit with head the investigator's shoes.
In everyone, even the worst, can find something good. So everyone should be carefully scrutinized.
(from instructions to duty policemen)
Lan
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
I don't write this stuff.
Re: Everyday Humor
Bran Muffins
The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. 'What are the greens fees?' grumbled the old man.
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'
Next, they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man, 'this is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea,' he asked.
'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied, 'you can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'
The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'
The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your f---in' bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!'
Re: Everyday Humor
Bran Muffins
The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. 'What are the greens fees?' grumbled the old man.
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'
Next, they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man, 'this is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea,' he asked.
'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied, 'you can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'
The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'
The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your f---in' bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!'
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Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Ray
Paladin
God Bless the USA
Please visit my store SWEETWATER KNIVES
"Buy more ammo" - Johnnie Fain
"I'm glad I ain't scared to be lazy." Augustus McCrae
God Bless the USA
Please visit my store SWEETWATER KNIVES
"Buy more ammo" - Johnnie Fain
"I'm glad I ain't scared to be lazy." Augustus McCrae
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
The investigator beat the PERP> on the head with his shoes. Mr. Ivanov willingly drank the vodka with them. They punched his nose and broke his teeth and ribs. But the bad guy did it too himself if anybody asks.LanG wrote:I don't understand, but I enjoyed it none-the-less!Eustace wrote:From the police protocols:
"During the interrogation of the suspect were shown irrefutable evidence, as a result of which emotion he bled from the nose, dropped his four teeth and broke two ribs ..."
"Yesterday, two unknowns invaded the Ivanovi family home.Having locked Mrs. Ivanova in the bathroom, forced Ivanov to drink two bottles of vodka with them."
The suspect got into the elevator and escaped in an unknown direction.
The suspect did not respond to the questions asked for a long time, then suddenly began to hit with head the investigator's shoes.
In everyone, even the worst, can find something good. So everyone should be carefully scrutinized.
(from instructions to duty policemen)
The suspect got into the elevator and escaped in an unknown direction. We aren't telling anybody what happened to him. Or how too properly be a policeman.